I think I am an Anti-Social.
Weird, huh?!? I'm a perky, spirited person, yet I view myself as an Anti-Social.
Why do I think so? Well, let's just say that being a homebody turns you into one. Maybe, it's also because I have set a whole lot of limitations on myself that hinder me from being a Social being. Though I am straining to break free, it seems like I can't.
I have come to this realization months back. It's not that I don't have friends or anything... I have a lot. It's just that, sometimes, I just couldn't relate anymore. It seems like we walk on different planes, with different levels, and I could reach them. This is why I hardly go out on social get-togethers. Catching up has never been my forte. Unless it's on a one-on-one basis.
For example: I've been to 2 get-togethers this past week. The first was a Lunner (Lunch/Dinner) Date with one of my Closest Friends in my professional life. The second was Dinner with 2 of my former "Lambs" just this evening. And all I can say is: I am such a bad company.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the Lunner with my friend, Nabsie. It seemed like we never lost touch (it's been more than a year). We were still making each other crazy. Or at least, I was driving her nuts! Haha! That's the way we've been. Cariño Brutal is the name of the game. I'd always be teasing, and she'd always be the victim. I don't know, but we had a lot of fun. We're just like kids!
The Dinner with my "Lambs" is a whole different story. No offense to Czacza and Lia, but I was at a loss the whole 2 hours we were together. I felt that I did not belong in that table. I can't blame them. It's been roughly 5 years since we've met, and a lot has changed since I got in touch with them last (They've been in touch since). We also have a 2-year age gap, and we run in different circles.
Though I seemed misplaced and disoriented, I was still glad to see them. What's more, is that, I just feel so blessed that these 2 people are still close, despite the fact that they were mere strangers before the YLSS in St. James, which brought us all together in the first place. I felt blessed because, in a way, I became one of the reasons why these 2 became close.
Misplaced. Oblivious. Estranged. Introverted. Austere. Isolated. I feel that a lot lately, especially around friends who I've lost touch with for some time.
Getting plunged into a situation where I am "obliged" to socialize is uncomfortable to me. I feel so vulnerable to my feelings of rejection and dissociation. I feel that the more I engage in a conversation, the more I don't make sense.
Aaarggh!! Somebody help me, please!!!
Weird, huh?!? I'm a perky, spirited person, yet I view myself as an Anti-Social.
Why do I think so? Well, let's just say that being a homebody turns you into one. Maybe, it's also because I have set a whole lot of limitations on myself that hinder me from being a Social being. Though I am straining to break free, it seems like I can't.
I have come to this realization months back. It's not that I don't have friends or anything... I have a lot. It's just that, sometimes, I just couldn't relate anymore. It seems like we walk on different planes, with different levels, and I could reach them. This is why I hardly go out on social get-togethers. Catching up has never been my forte. Unless it's on a one-on-one basis.
For example: I've been to 2 get-togethers this past week. The first was a Lunner (Lunch/Dinner) Date with one of my Closest Friends in my professional life. The second was Dinner with 2 of my former "Lambs" just this evening. And all I can say is: I am such a bad company.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the Lunner with my friend, Nabsie. It seemed like we never lost touch (it's been more than a year). We were still making each other crazy. Or at least, I was driving her nuts! Haha! That's the way we've been. Cariño Brutal is the name of the game. I'd always be teasing, and she'd always be the victim. I don't know, but we had a lot of fun. We're just like kids!
The Dinner with my "Lambs" is a whole different story. No offense to Czacza and Lia, but I was at a loss the whole 2 hours we were together. I felt that I did not belong in that table. I can't blame them. It's been roughly 5 years since we've met, and a lot has changed since I got in touch with them last (They've been in touch since). We also have a 2-year age gap, and we run in different circles.
Though I seemed misplaced and disoriented, I was still glad to see them. What's more, is that, I just feel so blessed that these 2 people are still close, despite the fact that they were mere strangers before the YLSS in St. James, which brought us all together in the first place. I felt blessed because, in a way, I became one of the reasons why these 2 became close.
Misplaced. Oblivious. Estranged. Introverted. Austere. Isolated. I feel that a lot lately, especially around friends who I've lost touch with for some time.
Getting plunged into a situation where I am "obliged" to socialize is uncomfortable to me. I feel so vulnerable to my feelings of rejection and dissociation. I feel that the more I engage in a conversation, the more I don't make sense.
Aaarggh!! Somebody help me, please!!!
2 comments:
Elaine!!!! Here's one friend who misses you. Email me! How have you been? Meels:)
hey elaine! nice to read what you've been up to... or what's in that crazy head of yours these days. keep on blogging! miss you and pam!
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