It's MY Birthday!

Hey Everbody! It's MY Birthday! I'm gonna party like it's MY Birthday! I'm gonna sip Bacardi like it's MY Birthday! And I know you don't give a F*CK that it's MY Birthday!

I'm a quarter of a century old today. I don't feel like I've been on this earth that long.

Actually, I don't feel a thing. I feel numb. I feel nothing. Is that a good thing? I don't know.

Lately, I've been quite a pessimist. I feel like everything, and everyone, in my life doesn't give a damn about me. It always happens when my birthdays draw near. I always expect something to go wrong before, during, or after my birthday. Something to destroy the mood of the happiness I should feel on my special day.

This year, a lot of things bother me.

First, I found the courage to let go of something (and someone) that has given me great grief. It wasn't as easy as I thought. I had to muster enough determination to write that person a letter stating all the hurts and heartaches that were brought about by meeting that person. I also indicated in the letter that I have to let go of that person so that I could pick up the pieces of my life that have been shattered by just knowing and following that said person.

Sometimes, anxiety sets in after I've written the kind of letter I gave. It's due to the fact that it is during these letter-giving events where I get burned most often. People around that person tend to misread and misconstrue what they read. In the first place, why are they reading letters that are not addressed to them? And, taking what they can from what they've read, they will start to censure and thrash me.

That's why I decided to get away from these people. I need space to keep my sanity. But I've found some sympathetic support from some true friends, which helps me stand my ground.

Second thing that bothers me is my father's inability to extend a helping hand on my party plans. I mean, I'm not asking him for money, or anything, for my birthday, except to call this one person who owns a private resort in the South of Manila, where I am planning to spend my birthday weekend. But, just a day shy of my weekend plans, he has still not called that person up. I mean... Could he be any more uncooperative? Jeeze!

Third, one of my closest friends, the one I am expecting to come, couldn't. Darnit! She's trapped by schedules of this Grand Career-Making Contest she has entered. To think we've been looking forward to my birthday for the last 4-5 months.

Lastly, it seems like a lot of things in my weekend plans are not working. I've been so busy lately to focus on my birthday weekend. Most of my invited friends have not confirmed, and those who did might, I fear, feel left out since most of the people in my weekend getaway party are from my family. I just hope something works. I hope they don't get bored.

Lord help me!

All I wanna do now is get filthy drunk on my birthday and forget all these nuisances in my life! I need some vodka right now!!! Give me my Bacardi!!!