February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day is just another day for me... Just another day of going through the daily routine of my life. And the only major event of my Valentine's Day was my Pediatric Nursing Midterm Exam. A major event, yes... yet a very disappointing one at that. I studied very hard, yet all the questions were like foreign language to me.

Enough dwelling on the Exam... I guess I just have to let it be.

Back to my lackluster Valentine's Day. I really hate days like these... They say Love is in the Air... Pray tell! Where does this air circulate? I seem to have never felt its breeze. These days leave me wondering if there is really something seriously wrong with me.

Am I scarred? Am I that horrendously uninteresting? Is my Mom the only real person who loves me? Do I have a warning sign on my forehead that says "Stay Away!!!"? What is wrong with me? Am I really that unattractive?!?

Depressing, I know.

I console myself with the thought that guys here in the Philippines can't handle me. That men here aren't ready for me. That they are intimidated of me. But why?

Sometimes, in my frustration regarding the state of my love life, or lack thereof, I'd think that maybe... just maybe... I might be better off liking women as well. But my better judgment & my heart tells me otherwise. Not that I have anything against same sex partners. I respect their choices & their happiness. Its just that I was not built that way. It just gets so frustrating sometimes.

I'd really like to be able to feel that warm, tingling feeling at the pit of my stomachabout someone. To hold that someone's hand & to find comfort in the silence between us. But alas! I guess the good Lord has something better planned for me. Maybe I just have to wait on the Lord's plans for me & pray that He can give me enough strength & patience to wait on Him.

What I think is more depressing than my lack of a love life, is that I seem to have lost the friendships that I have formed in the past. Not that I blame them. I could be quite lazy & busy to keep in touch with any of them, and in the event that I do, I find that the gap between each of us has become as wide as the Pacific. Sometimes, I even find myself thinking about why & how we became friends & what we had in common, in the first place.

Latest case in point: The Sissies. The last 2 times I've been out with them seemed like going out with complete strangers. To think that some of us were quite inseparable just a mere 2 years ago. Sad thing is, I miss those times. Especially the times when Kari & I had those long heart-to-heart talks about anything & everything. Now, it seems like I hardly know her anymore. The Kari I knew then may seem like a meek child on the outside, but a deep soul on the inside. Now, we hardly even talk. When we see each other, we only have superficial exchanges followed by loud, noisy nights out, that I do not even enjoy. Then, absolutely nothing. We used to have a nice little bond, and I even considered her as a Best Friend. Now, we've been reduced to mere acquaintances. Tsk... Tsk... Tsk...

Another friendship that I feel that I've been cheated out of was the one I shared with my neighbor & fellow BLD Youth member, Iya. I can still remember the heartbreaking sunrise chat we shared at Shangri-La Mactan. The late night picnic at the Parking Lot of the Alabang Town Center. I used to share with her everything about my life & found comfort in her words of wisdom & her unconditional friendship. Now, I don't even know where she is, or what her number is. It's been years since I last heard her voice... I truly miss her.

In the end, I think, I am only going to be saved by the love that is given to me by a very few people who gave a damn... a very select few in my family who saw beyond the exterior... who saw me beyond the superficial... who saw the REAL me... who made me feel like I am doing something right in my life.

So, on this day of celebrating the gift of Love & Friendship, I want to say Thank You & I Love You to my Mom & Ate Mhin. I feel that my life has meaning & purpose because of your unconditional love, support & words of encouragement. I know that the Lord knows the prayers in my heart for the both of you. On days like these, when I feel abandoned & unloved, I remember the love you gave me, & I feel complete.

And to the 2 little ones who own my heart: Matthew & Luisa... Always know that Ninang Elain will always love you both no matter what. I miss you both sooo much & my heart aches that I can't hug, kiss & play with you like before. I promise that my love for the both of you will never change even if we're miles apart! Mwah!

February 4, 2008

Even though I know I shouldn't, I still feel bad that Pabok was sent home without any warning. I couldn't look him in the eye nor bear hearing my Dad tell him that he's going home on the very day that he thought he was going to accompany my Dad. Nakakaawa talaga. My heart bleeds for him.

Somehow, I want to blame Dave for unjustly judging Pabok of stealing his iPod Shuffle. What if he just misplaced it & just forgot about it? Had he just given it to me, I would've been much happier. It was only a gift naman & he didn't buy it. Besides, he's got a lot of MP3 Players na naman. How many does a guy need, anyway?

Also, Dave doesn't have sufficient proof that Pabok really did steal his iPod Shuffle. Provided that he caught Pabok breaking into his room & going through his things & finding out that Pabok brought his digital camera to school, it's still not right to accuse the kid of stealing without sufficient proof.

Maybe in the future, when I have money, I'll send him & Michelle to school. I really want to help them out. I really pity those kids. Their lives got screwed up royally because of their Mom. She really does not deserve to have any children. She only thinks of herself. Now, she's totally paranoid, and is a certified nut case. I hope that their Dad can take care of the 2 kids better than if they were with their Mom.

Although I feel bad for him, I can't really do anything about it. I can only pray that he'll be able to reflect on the consequences of his actions, and find it in himself to change for the better.

On another note, what should've been a good get-together for my friend, Rachael's going away party, turned sour for me. Why, should you ask? Well, another friend, Anne, thought that she was being funny when she butts in and trashes at my every statement that I utter. I mean, I can bear it, and it could be funny at times, but dissing me the whole time?!?

She unambiguously stated that I'm absolutely clueless about girly stuff like make-up! To top it all off, she implied that I was a Lesbian, just because I do not have a love life. I mean, who cares?!? I'm happy with my life as it is. And to suggest otherwise, and putting malice to it, just rubs me off the wrong way. After she would lambaste me, she would casually laugh and say that she "loves" me & that she didn't really mean it... Blah, blah, blah. I mean, c'mon!

To think we were never really that close enough for her to suggest those things about me. Kari, maybe... But her?!?

If she thinks my lack of a Boyfriend is a sign of being gay or Lesbian, I'm so sorry to disappoint her, then. Is it my fault that I prefer to be more serious about my Schooling rather than partying the night away & lusting after every guy with a working penis?!? I know that these kids will never understand where I'm coming from. And just because I don't wear make-up all the time, doesn't mean I am a total moron about these things. I can do my own make-up, thank you very much. And yes, I do know what "Smoky Eyes" are and how to do them.

This is why sometimes I'd rather not hangout with them. They tend to be superficial sometimes. Too "right now" for my taste. I'm way past that. I prefer more quiet, subdued, mature, intellectual conversations rather than talks about Boys, MTV, sex, money & other superfluous nonsense. I'm past the clubbing phase, the Bar phase & the "Me, Myself & I" outlook.

That's why I appreciate my classmates now. They're more mature & more decent to talk to. Yes, they may be more "Jologs" and out of the social scene, but they are definitely, a better company.

I'm not trying to diss my other friends who like those things, its just that sometimes, some people try to change me into someone I am not and some people try to malign the person I am.

I don't have deep anecdotes or reflections on life, but somehow, my true self reveals itself more & more through my feelings. I just pray that the Lord will continue to bring me to where I'm supposed to go & who I'm supposed to be with.

January 3, 2008

It's the 3rd day of the New Year, and so far... I dunno. It feels so darn bland. Nothing significant going on... At least in my life.

The only highlight of my Christmas Season was cooking & seeing my grown-up niece (Cheriz) & my cousins from my Mom's side last New Year's Day.

I just came back from a harrowing experience riding the Light Rail Transit (LRT) coming from my Duty in Caloocan. What usually takes 15-20 minutes, took almost 3 hours!!! Good thing we were able to get seats & were able to doze off during the long commute. It appears that the Railway system was affected by a Fire raging at the other end of the line, so all the trains were backed up. Had we been informed of the situation before we got our tickets, we could've just taken a Jeepney.

Anyway, I gotta make this short... This darn Internet Cafe I was unfortunate to enter does not have airconditioning & has a great abundance of mosquitoes. They do not even have printing services!!! For the love of God!!! Talk about desperation!!! I gotta look for another place to go online & do my research.

Happy New Years!!!

December 24, 2007

It's Christmas Eve here in the Philippines, and we're spending it with in my Aunt's house, also here in Paranaque. My cousins are here, but unlike last year, the little ones (my nephew & niece) are far away. The quiet is something to get used to.

Our Noche Buena (Christmas Dinner) came very early. Instead of having it at 12 Midnight, we had our Noche Buena at 10:00PM. We had some Pancit Malabon, Barbecued Pork Ribs, Baked Salmon, Mango Salsa, Lettuce Lumpia, & I forgot what else we had... Hehehe...

Right now, we're preparing to open our gifts... Haaayyy... Christmas this year is truly a peaceful & quiet one.

So, from our family to yours...

HAVE A VERY PEACEFUL, BLESSED CHRISTMAS & A BOUNTIFUL & SAFE NEW YEAR!!!

December 20, 2007

Its 5 days 'til Christmas, and yet I didn't see it coming... Call it POVERTY.

I just realized how being "in financial need" can take all the Holiday Spirit away. It sucks the fun out of the season. Well, I think I am not the only one in the Philippines to feel down & out this Christmas. Everyone's tightening their belts in hopes of saving up enough money for a decent Noche Buena (Christmas Dinner). Some haven't even started with their Christmas shopping (myself included)!

I thought I was on track with my Christmas Budget, until last Saturday. Well, I am not complaining, but I just never imagined that once before, I didn't care about money at all.

See, I went to a mini-reunion with my girl-friends from HSBC Fraud: Anne, Rachael, Camille & Karisa. We had dinner at Amoroma, which was very long overdue (Camille's been inviting us to eat there since we were in HSBC 2 years ago). For just a plate of Puttanesca, I spent 3 days worth of my allowance!!! That wouldn't have bothered me at all in the first 3 months of this year...

After dinner, we all decided to make most of our time together by going Clubbing at The Fort. I changed clothes & cracked open my tightly shut piggybank to get some money that'll get me by the rest of the evening.

We all went to Cuisine at the Embassy Bar to check out the scene. They were playing House Music, but nothing much was going on. It was even bordering on boring. So, we left (after a mid-priced drink with expensive tax & service charge) & went to Piedra.

We decided not to get drinks in Piedra anymore, since it was already quite late & we've already consumed 2 bottles of wine at dinner. Piedra was a whole new story. They played Hip-Hop/RNB Music, which I dig much better. They also had a more happening crowd. Everyone was dancing & not just standing around. The girls would tease me into taking the straps of my shirt down, but I'd always pull it back up. Hehehe. Fun, really.

All in all, I spent a week's worth of my allowance money in 1 night of partying. Tsk! Tsk! But I wouldn't trade it for the world! It's been forever since I've been with my Sissies, and I'd pay much more (if I can afford to) for another day with them. I miss talking to them everyday & bonding with them.

Those were the days...

In school, we just finished our 1st Community Rotation in Caloocan & it was ok. The highlight of my day was meeting John Andrei. He's soooo cute! He's a very healthy 4-month old baby boy who went to the Clinic to have his colds checked. I had a lot of pics taken with him 'coz he was just soooo... Ugh! He's just an Angel!

The worst thing about my day?!? I tell you... Nursing worries me sometimes... On our downtime at the Clinic, a patient sat beside me venting out her frustration at how long its been taking her to get her medicines from the Clinic. Turns out, she's got Pulmonary Tuberculosis!!! Aaaarrggghhh!!! I wanna see a Doctor, pronto!!! Oh Jesus!!! I hope I don't get contaminated!!!

So, that's the way it is right now... It's truly been a long time since I last posted anything, so I decided to post.

Just in case it comes & I am unable to swing by an Internet Cafe...

HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS & A PEACEFUL & BOUNTIFUL NEW YEAR!!!

November 24, 2007

To those who celebrate it... Belated Happy Thanksgiving!!! Hope you had a great turkey with yummy stuffing! Mmmm...

But to my bestest buddy, Tatee Lubaton... HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you had a fun time on your Birthday. Miss you so much, Tateekins! Much love! Mwah!

Today was the start of our REAL duty at the Dr. Jose Fabella Memorial Hospital, and it was a BLAST!!! I had a real good time, and it wasn't that hard at all!!!

We started our duty at 8:00AM in the Pediatrics Ward. We were given a tour by our Clinical Instructor, Mrs. Baltazar, and she subsequently, assigned us to Patients. We had to take their Vital Signs & assess their status. I was assigned to 6-day old Don-Ver Acosta.

Don-Ver was confined in the Pedia Ward straight from the NICU, after Birth to complete his medications, since he was a Preemie (Don-Ver was born 2 months premature). He was very tiny, but he had great Vitals. His heart was beating loud & clear, he's got normal breath rates & he was well behaved. He also sucked great when he was fed. Don-Ver is such a pleasant baby. He didn't fuss or cry when I was taking his Vitals, unlike the other babies in the ward.

I also met other babies & their Moms. Some of the babies that caught my attention were Baby Princess, Baby Mark Darelle, Baby Jasmine & the 3 other babies in Don-Ver's ward.

Princess is a year old with Down Syndrome. She was rail thin due to dehydration she got from her heart medication. She's also quite small for her age. She looked like she was only 6 or 7 months old. I guess it was because of the delayed development caused by Down Syndrome. She was hospitalized due to Pneumonia and Diarrhea. She's quite a flexible girl! She'd stretch her legs toward her mouth & she'd flail her legs as if she didn't have bones at all. She was reactive to all stimulation & she responds to you. Cute kid, really. Sad she got sick. We all hope she'll grow up well & we also hope she can recover from her heart problem.

Mark Darelle is 6 months old, but he's as big as a year old kid! He was also hospitalized because of Pneumonia. He fusses a lot, especially in the presence of Nurses. His mom, an 18-year old girl, said he's afraid of Nurses 'coz they gave him shots! Hahaha! I tolk her that we wouldn't be giving Mark Darelle shots any time soon! he was a very big baby! Cute too!

At first, I thought that Jasmine was a boy. She was wearing a grey & blue shirt, and she was bald. Her mom corrected us and told us that she was a Girl! Hahaha! She's got beautiful BIG eyes!!! She fussed a lot, but when we approached her & talked to her, she would settle down & smile sweetly. I think she's the complete opposite of Mark Darelle! She loves the Nurses! After we'd leave her area, she'd cry & fuss all over again! Cute kid! Jasmine was actually discharged a week earlier, but due to financial problems, they didn't have any money to pay for the hospital bills. Her family had to approach the Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office (PCSO) so that they could pay for her bills. After our Lunch Break, Jasmine was finally discharged.

The 3 other newborns in Don-Ver's area were also quite memorable for me. The one right beside him was the one I'd call "Tisoy" because of his very fair skin. He was really cute! He just had some rashes due to the heat. The other baby in the ward near Don-Ver is the one I call "Yellow" because of his yellowish skin. Although he had yellowish skin, the mothers assured us that he didn't have Hepatitis or Liver problems. That kid was very fussy. The only way you could pacify him was if you'd carry him. And he's only a few days old!!! The baby assigned to my groupmate, Robbie, was also a cute baby. He's only a week old, but he had very cute facial expressions! He would wink & smile at Robbie & he would even smirk while sleeping!

Today was really something memorable! It took away the anxiety & disappointment of last week's postponed hospital duty. We learned how to plot the babies' temperature, heart rate & respiratory rate in the TPR Chart & we were able to interact with the mothers & the babies!

Tomorrow's another day, and we will be assigned to the babies who were just transferred from the NICU to the ward. These babies are more sick than the ones we just handled today. Hopefully, we can learn more tomorrow.

I'll be off to class in the next few minutes... I just wanted to share my great day! Hehehe! Here's to looking forward to tomorrow!!!

November 17, 2007

I just came from my first day of Hospital Duty at the Dr. Jose Fabella Memorial Hospital. I woke up real early, because we had to be there before 7:00am for the Orientation & Duty. Well, nothing happened.

Turns out our school's Clinical Coordinator did not forward a "Communication Letter" to the Hospital regarding our Duty Schedule, etc. That, after having to wait 2 hours in a mosquito-infested room!!!

Now, we'll have to undergo make-up duty during the Holidays (December 26 & 27)! Darnit! To think I had to have my Duty Uniform rushed from the Tailor! All the panic, excitement & anxiety gone to the sewers!

Well, at least I can sleep in this weekend. Sigh...

November 08, 2007

Wow! Its been a long time since I have posted anything here. Sorry. Hehe.

Finally, I was able to take a breather from school, even if its only for a few days. My supposed 3-day Finals Week, turned out to be a Week-Long hell of reviewing, endless reading & lots of papers to write. I also had to move back home since I'd get sick a lot the last few months. It would've been nice to be home, if not for all the temptations at home (and all the nagging!).

Nothing much has happened since the First Semester ended. The only highlight of my vacation was All Soul's Day... and it was a disaster! Well, not a total disaster, really, but it was not a very good experience.

First, I had to wake up early to take a bath and get ready. Then, I hadn't had anything good to eat before we left (which makes anyone quite grumpy!). Shortly after getting on the Expressway, the most horrible thing happened... There was a very disturbing sound emanating from our car's engine, everytime my Dad pressed on the Accelerator pedal, which got worse and worse after every 10 meters!

So we decided to get off on the next exit to find a mechanic. After finding a mechanic, who was open on a Holiday, we were a bit relieved. However, this relief would only last a few minutes. After 30 minutes of looking for the possible problem with our car's engine, the mechanic advised that it may take longer. And since we had to get to Malolos by Lunch to get together with our relatives from the US, my Mom, sister & cousin had to commute all the way from Meycauayan. Well, since we were already 2/3s of the way, it was okay. We left my Dad with the car and just brought our bare essentials with us.

The commute to Malolos was fine. We were able to take an airconditioned van to Malolos. We were able to arrive safely to my cousin's new restaurant where we met up with our relatives from Cali. We had a blast, coz the food was really great, and my Aunt was showing off the pictures of my new Nephew, Zion.

After Lunch, we broke off to go to the Cemetery to pay our respects to my Grandparents & Great-Grandparents. I think it was a great idea that we went to the cemetery the day after All Saint's Day, since it would be less congested. True enough, there were hardly any living people in the Cemetery. We were able to pray quietly & pay our respects, without all the chaos and commotion.

We also went to Atlag, where our Great-Grandparents' property was. We picked up another cousin and collected the rent from one of the tenants. We were able to go around Malolos, with the help of my Cousin's car. Thank goodness they were gracious enough to drive us around!

On the way home, we took another airconditioned van all the way to Quezon City where we rode the MRT to Makati. When we got to our Stop in Makati, we had to board a hellish bus, which had me, literally, hang on for dear life!!! This devil bus scared the bejeezuz out of me! I swear! By the time we got home, we smelled like traffic & pollution, but I was too tired to even think about it. I took a quick shower & dozed off.

Anyway, I have to run... I need to buy some charcoal so that we can cook dinner... Our gas ran out! Hahaha! Update you guys more later! Take care!

October 3, 2007

It's already October, and I still do not have a decent BLOG entry! *Sigh*

Well, what can I say?!? It sucks not to have an Internet access at home, when your brain is buzzing with ideas. It also sucks when you don't have a Memory Card for your new Mobile Phone, so that you can easily transfer your pics to the computer.

I only have 2 weeks left before the Final Exams come up, and I am scared to my knickers! I was absent for a week from classes due to flu, now I'm cramming in all of my subjects just to get a decent grade. Thank goodness, I passed all of my Midterm Exams, while most of my friends flunk theirs. I guess I would be in a much better disposition after the Exams.

I will be spending my School Break looking for work so that I can at least have something to pay my bills with. However, I am quite nervous about finding a new group for my NCM 201 RLE. It will be the time when I do my Hospital Duty for Maternal & Child Care. Most of my friends prefer to do their duty on weekdays, while I prefer the weekends, to give way to work.

At home, I can't seem to relax. I don't know why. I also couldn't get myself to study. Very different from when I was staying in my Grandfather's place in Manila. There, I would fix my notes & study when I'm bored. But hey! I feel more secured and at peace when I'm at home.

Nothing much has been happening except for our Community Dental Mission last Sunday. It was the first time that I did not cringe at the sight of blood & needles. It was mighty muddy in the area, though. We discovered that the heavy rains brought about by Typhoon Hanna left the place flooded with 2 feet of murky, muddy water, just the night before. Well, it went really well, I'd say. We had about 80+ patients who availed of the free Dental Extractions.

After the Dental Mission, my classmates and I went to the 1st Nursing Expo in SM Megamall. I wanted to stay and listen to the Seminars, but, unfortunately, we had to go. We all barely slept the night before, only to wake up very early in the morning for the Dental Mission.

Well, that's it for now, I guess. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm still alive, though quite harrassed. Hehe. See you guys again soon... Hopefully before my Final Exams!

September 27, 2007

I'm in the school Computer Lab right now, trying to take advantage of Free Internet Access! Hahaha!

After I got sick, I had nothing to do but catch up on all my classes that I've missed the past week. I was only able to go back to school yesterday, since I don't have classes on Tuesdays. It was fun. Going back to school. I kinda miss the chaos.

Oh! Did I mention that I now go back home to Las Piñas everyday? After I got sick, my Mom got concerned that no one would be looking after me if I got sick living in my Grandparents' place in Manila, since no one's there but me & my cousins. She decided that it would be better if I stayed at home. At least I get to eat better food.

Since I'm on a strict No Pork, No Beef diet, our entire household is also in the same diet! Hahaha! Well, it's for everyone's good anyway. Dave's also got Hypertension now. All that eating out! Hahaha! The only one at home who doesn't have Hypertension would be Pam. We're all getting very fat, errrr... Healthy, kasi.

But hey! I've really lost a lot of inches. Most of my Jeans that were hard to wear before, are now very loose! I have to buy a new belt so that I won't lose my pants! Hahaha!

Anyway, I have to go for the meantime. I have to fix my schedules for next semester. I've got lots of other news to share, but I have to run. See ya! Toodles!