Sigh... Sigh...

Gay guys really have all the fun! Gosh, darn!

Makes me feel so darn awful to be such an average-looking, single girl!

Why do I say that? Read along...

I've been friggin' single for ALL the 24 years and 355 days that I've been alive on this Earth! Unbelievable? Believe it! It's a very long story, which I can write a separate entry about.

Moving right along...

I have been frustrated for quite some time now, because most of the guys that I am attracted to turn out to be either attached to another girl or they're gay. Sad, but true.

Don't get me wrong, I love gay guys! They make such great friends to straight women. I love talking to them because they are very animated and bubbly. You will never have a dull moment with a gay guy. And as a proof, the Fab 5 of the Queer Eye For The Straight Guy are my heroes!

Anyway, CJ is one of those guys I was initially attracted to here at work. He's a really cute guy. He has a beautiful set of eyes that can light up a room. He also has a very bubbly, warm and perky personality. He will make you feel welcome the first time you meet him. He's also such a fashionista! He's got a great sense of fashion. He's not trendy, but he has a style all his own.

Unfortunately, as I've mentioned, my attraction to CJ will prove to be extremely futile. CJ is gay. He does not look it, but he is. Though I know that CJ will never be straight, I still love him as my friend.

I am soooo envious of CJ. Why? It's because he's got something, or should I say: someone, that I don't... He's got a boyfriend. Not just a boyfriend... He's found his soulmate. And this soulmate of his has made a huge change in CJ. All this in just a span of almost 2 months!!!

CJ met his soulmate over the net in a gay personals site. He was German, one of CJ's "requirements." They exchanged emails, pictures and instant messages. At first glance, you wouldn't think that CJ, nor his boyfriend, were gay, because they are amazingly good-looking. Their attraction to each other was immediate, and as they grew to know one another more, I guess they fell in love.

Just this past week, CJ's boyfriend dropped by the country to visit him. Just in time for his birthday! Most of our co-workers met him, and were immediately smitten. He was a perfect gentleman, and it was quite obvious that he loved CJ a lot. He was every girl's dream boyfriend. He was handsome, sensitive, affectionate, thoughtful and awfully caring. Unfortunately for us, he fancies CJ more than girls! The fact that he was rich, was nothing but an icing on the cake. CJ did not even know that his boyfriend was rich until he got here!

Although I am just so ecstatic and thrilled for CJ, I can't help but feel bad for myself. I know more gay guys who've found great boyfriends, than guys who could be my boyfriend! Makes me wonder: Why is the world so unfair to people like me?!? Sniff, sniff...

Gay guys really do have all the fun!

Happy

One day, you came to me
Freed me from misery
A touch of music in you
You start to feel so happy
Makes me jump up and down
You know my heart skips a beat
Each time that we meet
I am so happy I met you

Happy
I am feeling so happy
I´m gonna be happy
You make me so happy
Can´t you see I´m happy now

--- o O o ---

Those were the First Stanza and Chorus of the Squareheads' song, Happy.

That's exactly how I feel now.

I am contented and happy.

Being happy is a choice I make everyday. I'd rather be happy and carefree than being bogged down by petty things. It's not an easy choice. Sometimes, I have to beat myself up to be happy. But hey! Life seems brighter and more beautiful when you're happy.

Sometimes I wonder why the heck should I be happy?!? Well, there are things in my life that are worth being happy about.

My job is taking turns for the better. I am not getting stressed. I get to learn a lot of things. And... I am doing exceptionally well at work. I even got a couple of Salary Increases in the last month alone! It might not be a glamorous job, like a Marketing or Advertising Executive, or even a Production Designer or Director, but, I am, at least, happily working for one of the biggest Multinational Corporations here in Makati. And my colleagues are like family to me. Everyone is supportive of each other. It's a happy place to be.

My social life is the same. I still enjoy the company of my relatives and some of my friends. I don't just go out on a whim. I stay at home as much as I can. I like spending time in my room, just reading a pocketbook or sleeping. I also cook for my sister. If and when I do go out, I'm usually with cousins, both the very young or those close to my age. I have outgrown the Club scene since my late teenage years to my early 20s.

If there is one thing lacking in my life, it would be a boyfriend. But hey! I am not in a hurry to have one. I am enjoying my Single-Blessedness. No one is jealous of my guy friends. No one checks up on me every hour of the day (except my mom, maybe!). Maybe, if the Lord wills it, I could be even more happier with someone who will rock my world! Hahaha!

But for now, I choose to be happy. I'm gonna be happy.

Can't you see I'm happy now?

Happy Birthday, Mr. Songwriter!

I just wanted to give a shout out to one of the Philippines' Premier Singer/Songwriters, Mr. Ogie Alcasid. It's his birthday today!!!

I have not known Kuya Ogie that long, but in the time I've known him, he has been nothing but thoughtful, kind and sweet. He is definitely the Most Humble Celebrity in the Philippines!

I was not a great big fan of his before I met him. But when I saw how unselfish, down-to-earth and gallant he was, I was taken aback. He really was someone worth looking up to. He did not treat me as a fan or as a supporter. He treated me like a true friend. It's very unlike a celebrity of his stature and calibre.

Where in the Philippines would you find a Celebrity of a Superstar Stature who is so humble and accommodating? And I don't mean "accommodating" in a mall-show, autograph-signing, concert, or press-conference setting. He would talk to you in anywhere. Whether he was tired or not, he would still take time out and even share stories with you.

I've had a lot of encounters with the Songwriter, and I cannot recall a single time when he would be cranky, disrespectful, unfriendly or rude. He's such an All-Around Great Guy! And I know that his family, particularly his wife, Michelle, and his kids are extremely blessed and fortunate to have him in their lives.

Right now, all I can hope and pray for for Kuya Ogie is his continued happiness, good health, fortitude, more blessings, love and success. Oh! And a baby boy! He already has 2 future Ms. Australias (or Ms. Philippines), so I guess a third Herminio Alcasid would not hurt!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KUYA OGIE! You are such a Godsend!

BLOGGING

This is the first time I am going to write about my experience in Blogging.

I have only recently started Blogging, and so far, I have been slacking. When I started, I had a lot of fun. I had a lot of things running through my mind that I just couldn't wait to share in my BLOG. Now, I couldn't seem to grapple ideas and experiences worth sharing in my BLOG.

I've noticed that some people share poetry in their BLOGs. I used to be artsy-fartsy like that, but I seem to have lost it after College.

Writing poetry required a lot of emotional turmoil on my part to be able to get those creative juices flowing. I had to be in a state of confused emotions and chagrin to be able to get those words out. I expressed myself through poetry when I didn't have any outlet for my frustrations.

Now, I don't seem to have enough angst to write poetry. I also don't find any significant events in my life worth writing poetry about. I guess, I'm more about writing it in prose rather than poetry. I like telling stories and playing with words which hit the point directly. No mind-picking.

Right now, I am quite content with Blogging on my own pace. I don't want to pressure myself in creating or sharing entries. When the inspiration comes, it will come.

Angie

NOTE: Before you get the wrong impression and have any weird thoughts running in your heads, I would just want to clarify that I am Definitely, Absolutely, Catergorically, Indubitably, Doubtlessly, 100% STRAIGHT.

--- o O o ---

If there was Woman in the World that can turn me bisexual or gay, it would definitely be Angelina Jolie.

Who wouldn't be attracted to this dark-haired beauty?!? She has the most beautiful pair of eyes I have ever seen in my life! Those eyes can just penetrate through your very soul. And those full, sexy lips?!? 'Nuff said.

I first saw her in the movie Foxfire. She played the role of a seemingly disturbed stowaway, Margaret "Legs" Sadovsky. I was drawn to her compelling portrayal of this interesting character. It was truly convincing. It even imbedded an impression in my head that she was almost the same person as her character.

After that movie, most of the news I've heard about her pretty much justified the impression I had of her. A rebellious free-spirit. A Bad Girl. An independent woman who was a non-conformist. A woman who exuded mystery, passion and enigma. She was definitely someone who would make you intensely curious.

What really brought about my conclusion that Angelina Jolie would make me gay was, again, her truthful performance on the HBO Movie, Gia. She played the beautiful Gia Marie Carangi. The First Non-Blonde Supermodel. As most people know, Gia had had significant and serious relationships with women. And boy! Did Angelina do justice!!!

Another information that I have learned about Angelina that was really interesting was the she, too, had a relationship with another woman. And that woman was her Foxfire co-star, Jenny Shimizu. That took place was a very long time ago, and she had since been married to (and divorced from) Billy Bob Thornton.

There are still a lot more about Angelina than meets the eye. Her genuine heart and her passion to reach out to those in need are just some of the qualities that makes her more attractive. Her inner beauty shines through her physical pulchritude. That's why she was chosen as Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations Refugee Agency.

A co-worker and I have agreed that ONLY Angelina Jolie could turn perfectly straight women, like ourselves, into bi-sexual females. (We are still CRAZY about MEN, though!)

The abstruseness and enigma surrounding this breath-takingly stunning and sexy woman is just... Aaarrggghhh!!! It is definitely very hard to explain, but EVERYTHING about Angelina Jolie is simply AMAZING. It just blows my mind! She is the ONLY Woman that would be on the top of my "Most Attractive People" list. Tom Welling, Ashton Kutcher and Gael Garcia Bernal are gonna have a run for their money!!!

Community And Me

I am severely peeved at my father, right now. (Was there ever a time that I wasn't?!?)

Last night, on the way home, we talked about how my brother recently took the Singles' Encounter in San Francisco. I expressed my indifference for taking that said encounter and told him about my estrangement towards engaging into a religious community.

My family has been in a religious community for more than 10 years. My involvement in the community was initally forced by my parents on us, the children. As the years progressed, we found friends in that community and our Saturdays were for Prayer Meetings and what not.

4 or 5 Years into the community, I found myself wanting more out of life. I found that I didn't have a life outside of the community. This frustrated me, incessantly.

When I tried to live life, I felt bound and restricted by the teachings and what-not of the community. Everyone I knew from community, especially my Parents, would start to preach that this and this were "Not of the Lord." That being of the world is not being of the Lord.

In hindsight, there were a number of people in our community who do not live by what they preached. And yet, they look at people with judgement when they find that that person did not live up to the standards and morals of what was taught in community. Brings out the "H" word.

Even some of the people I considered as my friends would look at me with judging eyes, making me feel unworthy of being in the community. This hurt a lot.

Feeling judged and seeing the hypocrisy of it all, I decided to distance myself from the community. Since the thrust of the community was for a more pro-active relationship with God, I chose to have that relationship in a way that is just between me and my God.

Expressing these sentiments to my father last night, he got defensive. Why wouldn't he, I thought to myself, he was one of the hypocrites. He preached, but did not exercise what he exhorted. He said he tried to show us to a better way of life, but he did not display the attributes he supposedly acquired in this "better way of life." He wasn't being a good example to us, so why should I believe that this was the better way. Had he been more true to his being a Renewed Christian, maybe I wouldn't be this way.

He said I was a non-conformist. Was I? I just wanted to be a regular Catholic. A church-going, sacrament-receiving, personal-praying Catholic. Not one who was to confine herself to a more restrictive community. I just want to exercise my relationship with my God in a manner that does not have to been seen by the people around me. Is that wrong?

I am only accountable to my God. When I die, it will not be my earthly father who would judge me... It would be MY GOD.